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If you are a survivor of law enforcement suicide, the first thing you should know is that you are not alone. Each year 130 - 150 police officers in the United States die by suicide -- the devastated family and friends they leave behind are known as "survivors." Worse, there is a stigma to suicide in law enforcement far greater than that in the general public. Regardless, there are millions of survivors who, like you, are trying to cope with this heartbreaking loss. Police suicide survivors often experience a wide range of grief reactions, including some or all of the following:
ONLINE SUPPORT GROUPS--WHAT SHOULD THEY BE FOR YOU? Online forums can serve a good purpose--if run responsibly. Good support groups are hard to find, but it is your loss that binds you all together, not
the work uniforms your spouses wore. While there are 140 - 150 police suicides each year, there are 33,000 annually
in the US. Don't sell yourself short of the many survivors who can help you and benefit from your help. It's
important that you involve yourself in a group that is well organized and has a plan for participants. 1. How Long? Grief support groups should not be "forever."
There is a time to move on from grief into recovery and a healthier life. See the "Caution" (and therapy) notes below--you
don't want to get trapped in a never-ending recycling of grief, which happens. 2. Is it true that only police wives can understand my pain?
Ask a professional!--it may or may not be best for you, individually. Remember that many police suicides happen because
officers didn't trust those on the "outside" either. Police departments are closed cultures that tend to be very judgemental
in cases of suicide. You may find it best to remember that your grief is over the loss of a loved one to suicide--not
the loss of a police officer. 3. Someone should be available for the forum you join and not be
a "shadow address" that can't be reached. Several moderators must be utilized, so that someone is available at all
times. 4. Posted Guidlines: Clear guidelines should be laid out for all
to see regarding language, the posting of overly detailed, shocking/gruesome stories, religion and politics, language, unlicensed
treatments and medications, violations of personal confidentiality, and specific grounds and levels of discipline. 5. Emergency Help, such as a hotline, should always be listed and
easily visible. 6. Information items and articles should be up-to-date and accurate. 7. Mental health professionals and peer support officers should be
sought out and encouraged to join so as to maintain some balance and direction, identify "quack" information or
dangerous advice, and encourage needy individuals into professional therapy when possible. They may also helpful
in identifying individuals in danger.
SOME SUPPORT GROUPS FOR SURVIVORS Here are a number of forums and support groups listed by the AFSP and other reputable
organizations. This is not an endorsement, and there are others that may be equally good. We do encourage
you to look them over for the quality and responsibility with which they are managed. Your mental health and well being
are involved and, if you have questions, remember to ask a professional!!! http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/FFofSuicides/ Friends and Families of Suicide http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/parentsofSuicides/ Parents of Suicides http://www.tearsofacop.com/police/soles/chat.html run by Teresa Tate for law enforcement survivors to bond with other survivors.
www.suicidegrief.com Survivor discussion board http://www.thelightbeyond.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=13 For grief support and those ready to move on. www.groww.org/Branches/sos.htm Online support group Friends and Families of Suicides Website and online community http://www.suicidology.org/web/guest/support-group-directory A listiing of meetings by state and community (search) CAUTION: One of the hazards of online support groups is the "recycling
of grief," in which one can't break loose because of recycling it over and over. Support groups can be helpful through
the grief process, but one doesn't want to get trapped in it (dependency). This is where it is so important
that you travel the journey of grieving with a professional therapist who can monitor and guide you through
this necessary but painful process--into the light of day.
WHERE NOW?
The length of the grieving process can vary from one person to another, often ranging
from one to three years. Once done, this doesn't mean the loss is "forgotten"--the memory and pain will linger in different
ways for each person at different times.
As you move on and put the grief process behind you, explore ways in which you can do
things that create "positive energy" around the anniversaries and difficult times.
As the time comes for you to leave the forum, you may offer to remain as an official moderator
whose role is no longer to "story-tell" but to guide others. This is putting your experience to good value, not
as a therapist (remember, your job as a good moderator is to refer) but as someone who can help others keep an eye on their
goals of hope and eventual reovery.
You may wish, also, to volunteer in a variety of projects, and a place to begin
looking is at SURVIVORS, GETTING INVOLVED.
http://www.suicidology.org/web/guest/sssg-a-d A list by state, of groups that meet in communities near you. http://www.survivorsofsuicide.com/, Survivors of Suicide www.suicidereferencelibrary.com. A resource list created and maintained by volunteers from several on-line survivor communities. http://www.suicidology.org/web/guest/survivor-resources Resources for survivors of law enforcement suicide, literature, how to start a support group, and
more. www.beforetheirtime.org. Before Their Time is a three-volume, six-CD compilation of memorial songs for survivors. the
stages of grief that survivors encounter. www.thegiftofkeith.org/info/main_navigation.html. Created by a survivor family that contains information and resources about surviving suicide loss. www.siblingsurvivors.com. Created by a survivor after she lost her sister to suicide. www.suicidememorialwall.com. Created to remember some of the names of those who died by suicide and to encourage survivors to better
understand the causes of suicide. he often unpleasant truth about how law enforcement handles police suicides--and what you can do.
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